I want to go on record as stating that I did not ask any question–nor did the other student in the classroom–to warrant the following explanation…
Student: (returning from a 20 minute bathroom visit) Wow, my bowels were on fire!
Me: (Widened eyes)
Student: It’s like my intestines had a bomb go off, Miss. I sat down and *BOOM* an explosion!
Other student: (head down, shoulders shaking)
Student (complete with hand gestures): And it wouldn’t stop. Like a machine gun *BAM BAM BAM*
Me: (very calmly) That was too much information.
Student: (agitated) But I was just telling you what happened!
Me: (smothering a smile) I’m not upset, I’m just telling you for future reference, that was too much information.
Student: Oh, OK.
Other student: (looks at me, shoulders still shaking, tears streaming down his face.)