Me (to fraternal twins): So, which one of you is older?

Twin 1: We’re not the same age.

Me: I know, which of you is older? By 5 minutes? An hour? What?

Twin 2: No, really, Miss, we’re not really twins!

Me: What? I’m confused… both your birthday’s say September 11th…

Twin 1: Yeah, they got that wrong.

Me: Guys, I know you’re lying…

Twin 1: Yeah, but we were born at the same time, though.

Me (rolling my eyes): No, you weren’t.

Twin 2: But we were. We’re exactly the same age. When we were younger, we looked the same, too.

Twin 1: He’s telling the truth, Mrs. Crumpett.

Me: Whatever, it’s impossible for you to be born at the same time!

Twin 2: Nuh uh, exactly the same.

Me: I don’t think that’s physically possible…

Twin 2: Well, it is.

Me: (a little exasperated) Two babies cannot fit through a vagina at the same time.

Twin 1: Mrs. Crumpett, she had a c-section…

Me (taken aback, a little impressed that he’d outwitted me): Really? Oh, that kind of makes sense… but still, I don’t think both babies get taken out at the same time.

Twin 2 (with pity in his eyes): Miss, I’m two minutes older.


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