The Conversation

Two kids have joined me for lunch. It was pretty noisy in the room, so I’m not sure I caught the whole conversation, but I think I captured the spirit of it:

Student 1: (belching softly, not into the face of Student 2) Excuse me.
Student 2 (angry): THAT’S DISGUSTING!
Student 1 (a little hurt): I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.
Student 2 (angrier): GET AWAY FROM ME!
Student 1 (surprised): What? I said ‘excuse me!’
Student 2: IT’S REALLY JUST FARTING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!

I love my colleagues!

Student: So, are you going to grade my test tonight?
Teacher: No, it’s Friday.
Student: Maybe tomorrow?
Teacher: (shrugged discouragingly)
Student: (resigned) I know, ‘It will be updated sometime this weekend…’
Teacher: (Nodded)
Student: So what are you doing tonight?
Teacher: I’m going to go home and sit on my couch for a few hours.
Student: Doing what?
Teacher: Just sitting… and drinking coffee.
Student: (incredulous) Coffee?!
Teacher: Yes, I don’t want to fall asleep at 3:30.
Student: Mister, you need Jesus.
Teacher: (smiling) You are not the first person to tell me this…

Bathroom break

Me: Google this (pointing) and when I get back from the bathroom, we’ll go over the answer.

Student: Ok.

{25 minutes later}

Me: (Rushing in) So sorry, I guess I’m really popular. I got stopped so many times–

Student: (Big grin, loudly) Whatever. I just thought you took a (suddenly lost his nerve, whispering) really long time in the bathroom.

How old am I?

If there is any left over breakfast or snacks, I let the students have extra if they answer a question correctly. The questions are usually over the current lesson, but today I asked “How old am I?” One young man in the back screamed out “You’re 60! You’re 60! You’re 60!”

No one was surprised he didn’t get seconds.

Why I love Parent-Teacher Conferences

Guardian: So did {student} tell you about his trip to Florida?

Me (laughing): He said it was “fine.”

Guardian (surprised, disappointed): He didn’t tell you that he spent everyday in the ocean?

Me: Nope. But you know that “fine” for him means, “I had a fantastic wonderful time, Mrs. Crumpett!!!!”

{We laugh}

Guardian: Well, I have to tell you this, before we left, I found him in the basement, lifting weights.

Me (my turn to be surprised): Really?

Guardian: Yes, and he told me that he was “working on his ‘beach bod.'”

{We laughed, and laughed}

Tough Stuff

Student 1: I’d beat you in a fight.

Student 2: No way, I’ll have {my friend} to back me up.

Student 1: Well, I’ll have… {pause, then with great confidence} I’ll have Mrs Crumpett back me up. Yeah. Mrs Crumptett. Did you know she’s a UFC boxer?!

Student 2: {look of incredulity}

Student 1: Mrs Crumpett, you’re a UFC fighter right??

Me: Yes. Yes, I am.