The Conversation

Two kids have joined me for lunch. It was pretty noisy in the room, so I’m not sure I caught the whole conversation, but I think I captured the spirit of it:

Student 1: (belching softly, not into the face of Student 2) Excuse me.
Student 2 (angry): THAT’S DISGUSTING!
Student 1 (a little hurt): I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.
Student 2 (angrier): GET AWAY FROM ME!
Student 1 (surprised): What? I said ‘excuse me!’
Student 2: IT’S REALLY JUST FARTING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!

I love my colleagues!

Student: So, are you going to grade my test tonight?
Teacher: No, it’s Friday.
Student: Maybe tomorrow?
Teacher: (shrugged discouragingly)
Student: (resigned) I know, ‘It will be updated sometime this weekend…’
Teacher: (Nodded)
Student: So what are you doing tonight?
Teacher: I’m going to go home and sit on my couch for a few hours.
Student: Doing what?
Teacher: Just sitting… and drinking coffee.
Student: (incredulous) Coffee?!
Teacher: Yes, I don’t want to fall asleep at 3:30.
Student: Mister, you need Jesus.
Teacher: (smiling) You are not the first person to tell me this…

Bathroom break

Me: Google this (pointing) and when I get back from the bathroom, we’ll go over the answer.

Student: Ok.

{25 minutes later}

Me: (Rushing in) So sorry, I guess I’m really popular. I got stopped so many times–

Student: (Big grin, loudly) Whatever. I just thought you took a (suddenly lost his nerve, whispering) really long time in the bathroom.

How old am I?

If there is any left over breakfast or snacks, I let the students have extra if they answer a question correctly. The questions are usually over the current lesson, but today I asked “How old am I?” One young man in the back screamed out “You’re 60! You’re 60! You’re 60!”

No one was surprised he didn’t get seconds.

Why I love Parent-Teacher Conferences

Guardian: So did {student} tell you about his trip to Florida?

Me (laughing): He said it was “fine.”

Guardian (surprised, disappointed): He didn’t tell you that he spent everyday in the ocean?

Me: Nope. But you know that “fine” for him means, “I had a fantastic wonderful time, Mrs. Crumpett!!!!”

{We laugh}

Guardian: Well, I have to tell you this, before we left, I found him in the basement, lifting weights.

Me (my turn to be surprised): Really?

Guardian: Yes, and he told me that he was “working on his ‘beach bod.'”

{We laughed, and laughed}

Tough Stuff

Student 1: I’d beat you in a fight.

Student 2: No way, I’ll have {my friend} to back me up.

Student 1: Well, I’ll have… {pause, then with great confidence} I’ll have Mrs Crumpett back me up. Yeah. Mrs Crumptett. Did you know she’s a UFC boxer?!

Student 2: {look of incredulity}

Student 1: Mrs Crumpett, you’re a UFC fighter right??

Me: Yes. Yes, I am.

Careful Spending vs. Stingy Budgeting

Screen Shot 2016-01-24 at 9.44.53 AMOur government should be more careful in their spending… but needs to stop being so stingy with education!!

So many lives remain unimproved…

Or improvements are deferred for too long… because a basic college education is too expensive.

Even a basic public education that is supposed to be free is too expensive for the average family.