Angry or Flattered?!

One of my younger students walked into my room, grabbed my upper arm, and then jiggled my arm fat for a few seconds. Before I could ask him to stop he said, “Wow, you’ve lost weight!”

Am I angry or flattered?! lol

She irritates me, too!

Teacher (teasing): You should try to lessen the stress in Mrs. Crumpett’s life.

Me: (Wild gesticulating, encouraging the student to agree)

Student (thinks about it for a minute): Nah. She irritates me, too!

Teacher: Touché.

Me (Laughing, to the teacher): See what I’m talking about?

 

X Gone Give It To Ya

If the kids are crazy all day, then I usually binge DMX on the ride home.

I have a sinking suspicion that the next time a kid tells me, “That’s not what [old teacher] told us…”

“Fuck what you’ve heard, it’s what you’re hearing, Listen!” is going to fly outta my mouth…

Going Hoing

Me (to coworker): Are you feeling better?
Co-worker: Not really.
Student: Oh, are you two [indecipherable to me] this weekend?
Co-worker (laughs)
Student: Oh, she doesn’t know what that means.
Me: So, what does it mean.
Student: It means going hoing.
Me (eyes widen): What?
Student (quickly): That means going out and getting phone numbers.
Me: (laughing) I know what hoing means and it certainly doesn’t have much to do with phone numbers.

{pause}

Me: But yeah, I go hoing every weekend. Who doesn’t?

Compliments

Me (just finished blowing my nose)
Student 1: Miss, you’re so pretty.
Me (laughing): Whatever. But you have to admit I looked like hell last week!
Student 1: You always look pretty, Miss.
Me (laughing harder): Ok, sure. [Student 2] you know I looked like hell last week.
Student 2 (the most serious I’ve ever seen her): You always pretty.

No High Five For You!

(Student talking to a staff person at the vending machine)

Me (interrupting them): C’mon, dude, class started 5 minutes ago!

Student: —I don’t like white girls.

Me (taken aback): That was not the response I was expecting…

Student: No, wait, I was talking to (staff person) not you! …High five, Miss (he raises his hand)

Me (look of disbelief): I’m not going to high five you not liking white girls, dude.

Student: But you’re the best, I love you, you know I love you…

(He kept on with his professions of love and declarations of my magnificent teaching as I walked away, shoulders shaking with the laughter that his classmates didn’t bother to hide…)

Just Visiting

Student I used to kick out all the time sees me in the hall, screams my name, and rushes over to bear hug me.

Laughing, I said, “Oh, you’re nice to me now that I don’t work here?!”

She looks shocked, leans away, and says, “You mean you didn’t come back to stay??”

I smile, “No, hon. I’m just visiting–”

Student quickly turns and runs away from me without another word.

Marriage Material

Student 1: Would you get married someday?
Me: I try to never say never.
Student 1: So you want to get married?
Me: Is there someone specific you have in mind??
Student 2: [Male staff person’s name]
Student 1: JOHN CENA!!
Me (laughing): John Cena would be nice, but I think he’s already married.
Student 1: So if he wasn’t married, you’d marry him?
Me: Sure (hahaha). My first criteria for marriage has always been that he’s not already married.
Student 1 (very seriously): Me too.