Student: I see you did something different with your hair again.
Student: It looks crazy!!
Me: Crazy bad?!
Student: No, crazy good!
Me (laughing): Thank y–
Student (very serious): Cuz you’re one of those that put effort into your hair sometimes…
Me: But not all the time, eh? (with a chuckle)
Student (still serious): Right, not all the time.
At the bottom of a reflection paragraph, a student wrote:
“P.S. I hate meth but [Mrs. Crumpett] makes it easier.”
Turns out, he didn’t mean to misspell “math.”
Senior male student: Hey, did you know there’s a hole in the chalkboard?
Me: Yeah, it’s been there for awhile.
Senior male student: And there’s another, it has two holes.
Junior male student: (uncontrollable giggling) Two holes!
Me and class: (rolling eyes in unison, just staring Junior down)
Junior male student: (still giggling)
Me: I thought we agreed that math was easier when you’re not high?
Junior male student: Yeah, but it’s not as fun!
One of my younger students walked into my room, grabbed my upper arm, and then jiggled my arm fat for a few seconds. Before I could ask him to stop he said, “Wow, you’ve lost weight!”
Am I angry or flattered?! lol
Teacher (teasing): You should try to lessen the stress in Mrs. Crumpett’s life.
Me: (Wild gesticulating, encouraging the student to agree)
Student (thinks about it for a minute): Nah. She irritates me, too!
Me (Laughing, to the teacher): See what I’m talking about?
If the kids are crazy all day, then I usually binge DMX on the ride home.
I have a sinking suspicion that the next time a kid tells me, “That’s not what [old teacher] told us…”
“Fuck what you’ve heard, it’s what you’re hearing, Listen!” is going to fly outta my mouth…
Me (to coworker): Are you feeling better?
Co-worker: Not really.
Student: Oh, are you two [indecipherable to me] this weekend?
Student: Oh, she doesn’t know what that means.
Me: So, what does it mean.
Student: It means going hoing.
Me (eyes widen): What?
Student (quickly): That means going out and getting phone numbers.
Me: (laughing) I know what hoing means and it certainly doesn’t have much to do with phone numbers.
Me: But yeah, I go hoing every weekend. Who doesn’t?
Me (just finished blowing my nose)
Student 1: Miss, you’re so pretty.
Me (laughing): Whatever. But you have to admit I looked like hell last week!
Student 1: You always look pretty, Miss.
Me (laughing harder): Ok, sure. [Student 2] you know I looked like hell last week.
Student 2 (the most serious I’ve ever seen her): You always pretty.
(Student talking to a staff person at the vending machine)
Me (interrupting them): C’mon, dude, class started 5 minutes ago!
Student: —I don’t like white girls.
Me (taken aback): That was not the response I was expecting…
Student: No, wait, I was talking to (staff person) not you! …High five, Miss (he raises his hand)
Me (look of disbelief): I’m not going to high five you not liking white girls, dude.
Student: But you’re the best, I love you, you know I love you…
(He kept on with his professions of love and declarations of my magnificent teaching as I walked away, shoulders shaking with the laughter that his classmates didn’t bother to hide…)