The new girl and I haven’t exactly gotten off on the right foot, so I was quite surprised this afternoon when she walked right up to me during an activity and said…
New Girl: Do you have a black baby?
Me (surprised, took a step back): No…
New Girl (nonplussed): Do you have a white baby??
Me (slowly, with a small smile): I don’t have any children.
New Girl (eyes widened, took a step back and then turned around and walked away)
8th grader 1: I’m a grown man.
8th grader 2: I’m a grown man, too!
Me: Neither of you are grown men!
8th grader 2: But Miss, I have hair!
You know you’re a great teacher when you discover that instead of “function”, you’ve typed “cuntion” through out the test.
You know you’re a star teacher when you don’t notice the mistake until after you print it… but manage to fix it before giving it to the class.
Student: I found you on Facebook last night.
Me: (sigh) Oh, great.
Student: You really love your brother. You had a picture of him for his birthday.
Me: Stalker much?
Student: I’m not a stalker!
Student: You have a really cute dog.
Me: Such a stalker! (to another student) He’s a Facebook stalker, right?
Student 2: (nods)
Student: (a bit whiny) I’m not a stalker!
Me and class:
No one shoved anything down my shirt this week *and* the new girl asked if she could touch my hair AND WAITED FOR ME TO SAY YES before she touched it. Even though she said my hair was nappy, I’m calling this a win for the week!
Found this while I was grading. Inspiration like this keeps me teaching!! 🤣
Student 1: Miss, have you ever kissed a boy?
Me (hanging my head): What does this have to do with math?!?!?
Student 2 (forcefully): Of course she has! She’s a grown ass woman! She’s kissed hundreds of boys!!
Me: Whoa there…
Student 2 (still forcefully): Why you always up in her business anyway?? Worry about yourself!!
Me: What he said…!
This kid kills me. We had a rough patch the last few days, but last week he gifted me seaweed and a pen.
I am not a teacher, I do not like kids, and I’m going to bed at 5pm like a muthafuckin’ rockstar.