Teacher (teasing): You should try to lessen the stress in Mrs. Crumpett’s life.
Me: (Wild gesticulating, encouraging the student to agree)
Student (thinks about it for a minute): Nah. She irritates me, too!
Me (Laughing, to the teacher): See what I’m talking about?
Today two of my seniors researched pre-med/pediatric programs…
Student 1 (horrified): MISS! I am going to be in school until I’m 30!
Me (smiling): Yep, that sounds about right.
Student 2 (overly loud groan): Ugh! I’m going to be all old and wrinkly before I’m done!
Me (laughing): Hey! I’m 34!!
Student 1: It’s OK Mrs. Crumpett, you don’t look old. [Student 2] hasn’t aged well so far, so she probably will be all wrinkly.
Student 3: Nice save!
Me (trying not to laugh, but instead I’m snorting as I pat Student 2 on the back)
I don’t know which is funniest: that I played basketball at school for an hour today, the shocked expression on my face every time I made a free throw, or the look of disappointment on his face every time I missed!
This afternoon during tutoring, I was helping a young man with his math homework. He absolutely hates algebra and curses up a storm in his frustration with each problem. We got to the last question and the answer was 99.
I gave him the over-the-glasses look and slowly said/sang, “You got 99 problems but math ain’t one.”
(What made it even more hysterical was that he thought it was hysterical that I replaced ‘that word’ with math and made me repeat the line several times. ‘That word.’ The one time he actually doesn’t say it lol.)
Yesterday, I told my students it was Teacher Appreciation Day and asked them what they got me. I then had to reject a bunch of half eaten lunches and mostly empty chip bags. Yep, I’m the ungrateful one!
I think, in addition to Teacher Appreciation Day, there needs to be a Teachers Act Like Students Day. I don’t know if it will actually be meaningful to show the kids how ridiculous they are, but it sure would be entertaining!
This morning I experienced a slight malfunction with my cup and ended up getting splattered by coffee covered whipped cream.
My darling students laughed with me except for one who was oh so helpful.
“Miss, you still got white stuff on your shirt.”
“On the back (pointing), there!”
“No I don’t,” I said after furiously looking. “There’s nothing there dude.”
“Oh,” he said without blinking an eye, “I must’ve gotten it confused with your skin.”
One day in early Spring, someone added tuna and sardines to the downstairs ventilation system. It was an…aromatic…senior prank I won’t soon forget.
I’ve spent the better part of this week helping a student unlearn that “cunt” is an accepted alternative for “caucasian.”
Student: Miss, will you do my work for me?
Me: When have I ever done your work for you?
Student: Never… but that doesn’t mean you can’t start now!