Yesterday morning, one of my students put his hand on my shoulder and said “thank you” for something I helped him with…
Me (smiling): So, you don’t hate me anymore??
Student (surprised): I don’t hate you, I never hated you.
Me: How soon we forget that you told me many times that you hated me!
Student (nods in acknowledgement, a little ashamed): I don’t hate you anymore.
This made my day for two reasons.
1.) It’s always nice when one less person hates you.
2.) This particular student was the first and only white kid to ever call me a “cracker bitch” (and he did so repeatedly). I feel like this is progress, indeed!
Senior male student: Hey, did you know there’s a hole in the chalkboard?
Me: Yeah, it’s been there for awhile.
Senior male student: And there’s another, it has two holes.
Junior male student: (uncontrollable giggling) Two holes!
Me and class: (rolling eyes in unison, just staring Junior down)
Junior male student: (still giggling)
Me: I thought we agreed that math was easier when you’re not high?
Junior male student: Yeah, but it’s not as fun!
One of my younger students walked into my room, grabbed my upper arm, and then jiggled my arm fat for a few seconds. Before I could ask him to stop he said, “Wow, you’ve lost weight!”
Am I angry or flattered?! lol
Me (to coworker): Are you feeling better?
Co-worker: Not really.
Student: Oh, are you two [indecipherable to me] this weekend?
Student: Oh, she doesn’t know what that means.
Me: So, what does it mean.
Student: It means going hoing.
Me (eyes widen): What?
Student (quickly): That means going out and getting phone numbers.
Me: (laughing) I know what hoing means and it certainly doesn’t have much to do with phone numbers.
Me: But yeah, I go hoing every weekend. Who doesn’t?
(Student talking to a staff person at the vending machine)
Me (interrupting them): C’mon, dude, class started 5 minutes ago!
Student: —I don’t like white girls.
Me (taken aback): That was not the response I was expecting…
Student: No, wait, I was talking to (staff person) not you! …High five, Miss (he raises his hand)
Me (look of disbelief): I’m not going to high five you not liking white girls, dude.
Student: But you’re the best, I love you, you know I love you…
(He kept on with his professions of love and declarations of my magnificent teaching as I walked away, shoulders shaking with the laughter that his classmates didn’t bother to hide…)
Student I used to kick out all the time sees me in the hall, screams my name, and rushes over to bear hug me.
Laughing, I said, “Oh, you’re nice to me now that I don’t work here?!”
She looks shocked, leans away, and says, “You mean you didn’t come back to stay??”
I smile, “No, hon. I’m just visiting–”
Student quickly turns and runs away from me without another word.
Quote of the day (me to student): “You’ve got my back if this gets weird, right?”
Student 1: Would you get married someday?
Me: I try to never say never.
Student 1: So you want to get married?
Me: Is there someone specific you have in mind??
Student 2: [Male staff person’s name]
Student 1: JOHN CENA!!
Me (laughing): John Cena would be nice, but I think he’s already married.
Student 1: So if he wasn’t married, you’d marry him?
Me: Sure (hahaha). My first criteria for marriage has always been that he’s not already married.
Student 1 (very seriously): Me too.