Love it when my students talk about my “pimp hand” in their essays 


My Husband

Student (on his way out of class): Say hi to your husband from me.

Me (confused): My husband?

Student (strolling back in, pointing to my GoT Hound action figure): Yeah, your husband!

Me (laughing): Oh yeah. My husband!

It was a Good Day

You know you’ve arrived when in the space less than 8 hours:

One student refers to you as “a middle aged math teacher who needs to use bath bombs to relax after a long day of teaching.” #sciencefairpresentation


Another student, who just told me she’s suspended for two days (including first day of finals), said “Wow, you got angrier than my parents!” #tutoringwin

No good, very bad day

In what world is it OK to skip math class to work on science class and then skip government to interrupt your math teacher’s other classes to get help on a concept you would’ve learned had you just stayed where you were supposed to?

In what world is it OK to be on your phone during a test, even if it’s “just to check the time” after the instructor has said repeatedly that being on your phone will result in a zero and then be shocked that your phone is taken and your test is thrown away?

In what world is it OK for you to walk into a room talking to someone you can’t see but once you do see, you see she’s clearly in an important meeting and yet you still continue talking as if you’re the most important person in the universe and then act all hurt when you’re politely asked to wait?

In what world is it OK to not label anything, pick random pages in a notebook to write notes and assignments, sometimes write upside down and backwards and yet still be shocked that your teacher refuses to grade it because you believe “there’s nothing wrong with my organizational skills?”

In what world does an entire class forget a procedure that they are asked to follow at the beginning of the hour E.V.E.R.Y. D.A.M.N. D.A.Y. only when said teacher has projected instructions but wasn’t physically in the room to verbally repeat them?

Asking for a friend. 

PSA to all teenagers everywhere:

If you say something like “why’s everyone on their period?!” in reference to how peers (and self, if he was honest) were acting all crazy, please expect to have your ass handed to you by a woman.

If you say horribly disrespectful things to another person out of no where based solely on your jealousy of said person, please do not be surprised when others do not take your side at all.

If you say “bring it” or “bring it bitch” to anyone, please expect it to be “brought” with a vengeance. I mean, it’s not like you didn’t ask for it, right?

Definition of Frustration

After being in class every day, a senior turned in a blank test today because (and I quote) “You never told me to take notes, so I didn’t have notes, so I don’t know anything on the test.”

I asked him to leave… and then polled the rest of the class. I do indeed tell them everyday to (and I quote) “write this down.”

She’s so cold!

Student 1: [Mrs. Crumpett], what’s the wifi password?
Me: I won’t give it to you.
Student 1 (whining): Please, please, please… (repeated…)
Me: I don’t give it to any student! [Student 2] is like a son to me and I won’t give him the password either.
Student 2 (very seriously): Yeah, she love me, but she cold!


One kid is in awe of me strictly because I have more (and better!) tattoos than him. I love it! That probably makes me a bad person, but I don’t care lol Last year, he and I tied for the “Best tattoos” in the yearbook. It was fantastic!