Quote of the Day

Part of an apology a student made for taking a phone call in the middle of lecture:

“My mama didn’t raise no bitch.”


On Fire!

(Student on her phone during lecture)

Me: [Student] please put your phone away.

(Student pretends to put it away, but is really still on it under the desk, I know this because the light from the phone is reflected on her glasses)

Me: [Student] I asked you to put your phone away already…

Student (innocently): I’m not on it!

Me: Really? So your crotch has a neon blue light??

Student (literally rolling on the floor laughing): I’m dead!! You on fire today!

Time drags

Me: So, why did you get a 9/10 on this?

Student (dramatically): I don’t know. I’ve given up asking at this point.

Me: At this point?? It’s only September!!

Student (sadly): I know.

Me (after a pause, slowly): … we’ve only been in school for six weeks, babe…

Student (shocked and dejected): What?! It feels like MONTHS!!!

Ass Music

{“Hallelujah I Love Her So” playing}
Student: You need to turn off this ass music.
Me (incredulous): You think Ray Charles is ass music?!
Student: Yeah. Ass music. It needs to get turned off.
Me (after a slight pause): When you become a teacher, you can play whatever kinda music you want.
Student (considering): OK, that seems fair.


That’s not my name

Student (frustrated with the test): Miss {Other Teacher’s Name}

Me: That’s not my name.

Student (contrite): I know, sorry Mrs. Crumpett.


Student (practically yelling in her frustration) Miss– FUCK!!!!!

Me (trying not to laugh) Well, that’s a new one…

Student (mortified): Shit, Miss, I got mad at the question, I wasn’t, you know–

Yep, I know