Stalker!

Student: I found you on Facebook last night.
Me: (sigh) Oh, great.
Student: You really love your brother. You had a picture of him for his birthday.
Me: Stalker much?
Student: I’m not a stalker!
(Pause)
Student: You have a really cute dog.
Me: Such a stalker! (to another student) He’s a Facebook stalker, right?
Student 2: (nods)
Student: (a bit whiny) I’m not a stalker!
Me and class: 

Winning!

No one shoved anything down my shirt this week *and* the new girl asked if she could touch my hair AND WAITED FOR ME TO SAY YES before she touched it. Even though she said my hair was nappy, I’m calling this a win for the week!

Notebook Check

Found this while I was grading. Inspiration like this keeps me teaching!! 🤣

Carrot

Teaching Middle School is going to be the death of me

Student 1: Miss, have you ever kissed a boy?

Me (hanging my head): What does this have to do with math?!?!?

Student 2 (forcefully): Of course she has! She’s a grown ass woman! She’s kissed hundreds of boys!!

Me: Whoa there…

Student 2 (still forcefully): Why you always up in her business anyway?? Worry about yourself!!

Me: What he said…!

It’s the little things…

This kid kills me. We had a rough patch the last few days, but last week he gifted me seaweed and a pen.

What a *good* day…

I am not a teacher, I do not like kids, and I’m going to bed at 5pm like a muthafuckin’ rockstar.

Staying after school

Student: Imma stay after today, [My Name] Mob.
Me: I have a staff meeting. You can stay in my room and I can work with you later…
Student: OK, I can do that (walking toward me, and then away from me)
Me: Where are you going?
Student: I’m afraid you’re going to punch me!
Me: What?!
Student: For lying to you.
Me: About…
Student: Staying after school.
Me: So, you’re not staying after school today??
Student: I am today, but all the other days I don’t stay.
Me: (pause) Well, you know, when you don’t show up, I just sit at my desk and cry for a half hour.
Student: (sincerely) Don’t cry, [My Name] Mob!
Me: 
Student (to class): See! She’s laughing and she’s angry! Everyone watch out!
Me: 

A Teaching First

I’ve never had a student interpret “put your pencil away” as “stick your pencil down my cleavage” before… today. 😳

To clarify… she stuck her pencil down my shirt.

… Um … I always knew these boobs would be good for something someday… ?? 

Gangsta Teacher

This kid keeps tagging everything he can with “[My name] MOB.” I’m dying! 

Same kid told me today that he’s too scared to threaten me. Why? Because, once again, “You smile when you’re angry!!!”