Part of an apology a student made for taking a phone call in the middle of lecture:
“My mama didn’t raise no bitch.”
Month: December 2017
On Fire!
(Student on her phone during lecture)
Me: [Student] please put your phone away.
(Student pretends to put it away, but is really still on it under the desk, I know this because the light from the phone is reflected on her glasses)
Me: [Student] I asked you to put your phone away already…
Student (innocently): I’m not on it!
Me: Really? So your crotch has a neon blue light??
Student (literally rolling on the floor laughing): I’m dead!! You on fire today!
New Word
Today I said “transportate.” Someone needs to revoke my teaching license. 😫
To some parents:
Math and the Grim Reaper
Gee, I wonder how my kids feel about Absolute Value equations with extraneous solutions… 
Those kind of hugs
I love it when one of your long shot kiddos discovers he can graduate this May and I’m the first one he tells. Those kinds of hugs are the cat’s-fucking-pajamas.
Time drags
Me: So, why did you get a 9/10 on this?
Student (dramatically): I don’t know. I’ve given up asking at this point.
Me: At this point?? It’s only September!!
Student (sadly): I know.
Me (after a pause, slowly): … we’ve only been in school for six weeks, babe…
Student (shocked and dejected): What?! It feels like MONTHS!!!
The Crumpett Files 