The Art Teacher’s Name

Student: Mrs. Crumpett, I can’t remember the art teacher, “Sam’s,” first name.

Me: 🤦‍♀️

Student: (still waiting for me to answer)

Me: (slowly) “Sam’s” name is “Sam.” Would you also like the phone number for 9-1-1?

Writing is Deadly

Student: This is going to kill me.
Me (laughing): Pretty sure you won’t die.
Student: I’m already dead.
Me: (raised eyebrow)
Student: Look, I can’t even hold my pencil! (he drops the pencil)

D’s get degrees!

Student: I turned in the project, now what’s my grade?
Me: You have a D+, do you want some—
Student (shouting, as he walks out of school): YES!! My mom wants a C, but D’s get degrees!
Me: 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me

<students talking over me>

Me: Please stop talking.

<students continue to talk over me>

Me: You’re being disrespectful!

<students keep talking over me>

Me: Helllloooooooooo!?

<students start to end their conversation>

Me (oozing with sarcasm): Thank you for talking over me. I feel so respected right now.

Student A (very confused, but sincere): You’re welcome.

<a few start to laugh, but stop at my glare>

Student B (nicely, to Student A): She was being sarcastic.

Power of Positivity

Finding these kinds of affirmations reminds me of why I became a teacher in the first place!

Self Discovery

Man, I miss this kid. He’s in college now and clearly having a great time lol

I Heart Grading

This kid must not think I’ll actually read her paper. Over half of of the 5 page essay is that fake Latin gibberish from one of Word’s templates.

Parent Teacher Conference

Student: I didn’t die today!

Me: No, we had a small scare with the heart attack after he found out he’d have to read two whole paragraphs, but then he decided to pull through.

Student’s mom: He’s been making a lot of difficult decisions lately.

Casting Spells

Student (throws pencil across the table, exclaiming): WITCHCRAFT!!

Me (laughing): Or maybe you just have good handwriting?