Yesterday morning, one of my students put his hand on my shoulder and said “thank you” for something I helped him with…
Me (smiling): So, you don’t hate me anymore??
Student (surprised): I don’t hate you, I never hated you.
Me: How soon we forget that you told me many times that you hated me!
Student (nods in acknowledgement, a little ashamed): I don’t hate you anymore.
This made my day for two reasons.
1.) It’s always nice when one less person hates you.
2.) This particular student was the first and only white kid to ever call me a “cracker bitch” (and he did so repeatedly). I feel like this is progress, indeed!
Student: I see you did something different with your hair again.
Student: It looks crazy!!
Me: Crazy bad?!
Student: No, crazy good!
Me (laughing): Thank y–
Student (very serious): Cuz you’re one of those that put effort into your hair sometimes…
Me: But not all the time, eh? (with a chuckle)
Student (still serious): Right, not all the time.
At the bottom of a reflection paragraph, a student wrote:
“P.S. I hate meth but [Mrs. Crumpett] makes it easier.”
Turns out, he didn’t mean to misspell “math.”
Senior male student: Hey, did you know there’s a hole in the chalkboard?
Me: Yeah, it’s been there for awhile.
Senior male student: And there’s another, it has two holes.
Junior male student: (uncontrollable giggling) Two holes!
Me and class: (rolling eyes in unison, just staring Junior down)
Junior male student: (still giggling)
Me: I thought we agreed that math was easier when you’re not high?
Junior male student: Yeah, but it’s not as fun!
One of my younger students walked into my room, grabbed my upper arm, and then jiggled my arm fat for a few seconds. Before I could ask him to stop he said, “Wow, you’ve lost weight!”
Am I angry or flattered?! lol
Teacher (teasing): You should try to lessen the stress in Mrs. Crumpett’s life.
Me: (Wild gesticulating, encouraging the student to agree)
Student (thinks about it for a minute): Nah. She irritates me, too!
Me (Laughing, to the teacher): See what I’m talking about?
If the kids are crazy all day, then I usually binge DMX on the ride home.
I have a sinking suspicion that the next time a kid tells me, “That’s not what [old teacher] told us…”
“Fuck what you’ve heard, it’s what you’re hearing, Listen!” is going to fly outta my mouth…
Me (to coworker): Are you feeling better?
Co-worker: Not really.
Student: Oh, are you two [indecipherable to me] this weekend?
Student: Oh, she doesn’t know what that means.
Me: So, what does it mean.
Student: It means going hoing.
Me (eyes widen): What?
Student (quickly): That means going out and getting phone numbers.
Me: (laughing) I know what hoing means and it certainly doesn’t have much to do with phone numbers.
Me: But yeah, I go hoing every weekend. Who doesn’t?
Me (just finished blowing my nose)
Student 1: Miss, you’re so pretty.
Me (laughing): Whatever. But you have to admit I looked like hell last week!
Student 1: You always look pretty, Miss.
Me (laughing harder): Ok, sure. [Student 2] you know I looked like hell last week.
Student 2 (the most serious I’ve ever seen her): You always pretty.