Great Minds

Student: Miss, have you heard of Idris Elba?
Me: Yes, he will be my husband someday.
Student: My mama says the same thing!

Her Anaconda

Student 1 (singing): My anaconda don’t, my anaconda don’t…
Student 2: I love this song so much. When it first came out, I just watched the video over and over again.
Me: 
Student 1: I like her anaconda.
Me: She doesn’t have an anaconda, dude. 
Student 1: Yes she does.
Me: I don’t think you know what this song is about…
Student 1: (perplexed) But in the video, she’s got that anaconda all up on her ass…
Me: ….
Student 1 (lightbulb moment) Oooh. She’s talking about a dick.
Me: (nodding)
Student 2: That MC Hammer really knows his shit.
Me: That wasn’t MC Hammer!!
Student 1: Yeah it was. He also sang that Humpty song!
Me: 

Finals

Student: You’re giving a final?! None of my other teachers are giving me finals!!

Me: 

This kid, I can’t even…

You know you’re a good teacher when…

…You discover that instead of “function”, you’ve typed “cuntion” through out the test.

You know you’re a star teacher when you don’t notice the mistake until after you print it… but manage to fix it before giving it to the class.

/smh

Whatever motivates you!

Watching “Outlander” to help me stay focused on writing division word problems… says every math teacher ever! 

Teaching Middle School Problem #47

“OMG! Grow up, gentlemen. The word is ‘come.’ C-O-M-E. It means to move in a certain direction. Let’s move on!”

Finals!

Student: You’re giving a final?! None of my other teachers are giving me finals!!

Me: 

Stop being weird

Student: Have you been to [local BBQ restaurant]?
Me: No, but I think I’m going on Monday.
Student: Oooooooh, is it a daaaaate?
Me: No, it’s with a friend.
Student: Ooooooooooooh.
Me: Her name is Mina, she has a husband and two kids.
Student (trying to be sexy, succeeded in being creepy): Tell her I say “Heeeeeeeey Mina”
Me: Dude, stop being weird.
Student (on repeat): Heeeeeeeeey Mina, heeeeeeey heeeeeeeey Mina, Meeeeeeeeeeeeena…
Me: 

Music to my ears…

“Tutoring canceled” two of the sweetest words I’ve heard today…