The Non-Negotiables

We’re in the hallway near the Main Office. Student arrives to school 40 minutes late.

Me (looking at my watch): So glad you could make it to school, dude!

Student: Yeah, whatever, Miss… (turns to talk with his girlfriend).

Me (hiding a modicum of frustration behind a big grin): I know you’re only a LITTLE late and they probably haven’t started anything IMPORTANT, but doncha think you should go to CLASS?!

Student: Miss, you’re disturbing my conversation. It’s not your job to disturb my conversation.

Me: Excuse me, but I assure you that it IS in my contract. In very plain language it states, “Mrs. Crumpett is to disturb student conversations. This is a non-negotiable.”

Student: (can only stare)


A Gilbert and Sullivan Win

Q: What do you do when it’s hella cold but school’s not cancelled so only a handful of students show up?

A: Have interesting conversations with them, find out that one senior is going to sing a “Pirates of Penzance” song for the next competition.

Q: What do you do when you find out that this student has chosen “Policeman’s Song” but has never seen the play/movie?

A: Find that sucker on YouTube and enjoy the gloriousness that is 1983, Kevin Kline, Angelia Lansbury, and Linda Ronstadt.

P.S. He loved it, so we also watched other clips, including the famous “Modern Major General.” He wants to watch the whole movie, so obviously I have accomplished the greatest thing ever and am done for the year. I said good day!


There’s always a silver lining

I am going to need knee replacement surgery before I’m 40. Not because of some degenerative disease or terrible genes, but because I have really crappy balance and manage to trip and fall — knees first — onto hard pavement.

Today, I was walking two students out of the gym and I didn’t see this largish pebble. I stepped right on it, twisted my ankle, and down I went.

Silver lining? Actually, there are two.

First, honestly, I’m just glad I didn’t trip on air again. Second, I really had to go to the bathroom and I’m thrilled to announce that I did not wet myself.