True stories from an urban educator
A kid accidentally called me “motherfucker” today.
Me: I am not your mother and I am not a fucker.
Student (mortified): I’m so sorry, Miss Lady Teacher Ma’am!!
Me (laughing): Dude, you know my name!
Student (also laughing): I know, [Mrs. Crumpett].
Me: You’d think that someone with such an aversion to work would just call me one name… instead of using four!
Student (laughing, and then slowly): Ooooooooh! You right!
Me: 😂
A kid called me a “cheeky bastard” today, not realizing that I watch enough British television to consider it a compliment! 😂
Me: (skin has a bright lobster hue)
Student: Do you have a sunburn?
Me: No, I had a small accident with my blush but decided to just roll with it.
Student: I don’t like you. I mean, I like you but I don’t. (getting frustrated, and louder) I MEAN, I DON’T LIKE YOU PHYSICALLY.
Class (snickering)
Me: That’s cool, I’m OK with that.
Student (turning red, but also laughing): That’s not what I meant. I mean I don’t know why I like you. You’re strict. Usually I think teachers like you are (suddenly whispering) bitches. (Back to normal volume) Really, I don’t know why I like you!
Me: It’s because I’m hilarious.
Me: My favorite assignment and yours, write me one page about your summer and include at least three examples of how you used math.
Student 1: (shows me the first paragraph she’s written)
Me: (to her) You can’t write “I measured the weed I wanted to smoke” in a school assignment. (to the class) Again, guys, writing about an illegal activity – any illegal activity – is not school appropriate. If you’re really stuck, use a euphemism. Do you guys know what a euphemism is? It is kind of like “a nice way” of saying something bad.
Student 2: Is that like euthanasia?
Me: No, not even close. Euthanasia is when you have your dog put down because it is too sick, like a mercy killing.
Student 2: Ok, so if I compliment someone, I can say I euthanized them?
Me (stunned silence for a second): No, that means you killed them. A euphemism is “a nice way” of saying something, not “saying something nice.”
Student 3: Like a synonym?
Me: Sure.
Student 2 (after a few minutes of silence, stands up and pulls the side of his shorts down a few inches): Hey, look at my weed underwear!
Me: 🤦♀️
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A kid called me a “cheeky bastard” today, not realizing that I watch enough British television to consider it a compliment! 😂
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The Crumpett Files 