Meghan Trainor Fan

[“All about that bass” pops up on Pandora]
Some students: (singing along)
Male student: My grandma loves this song. She knows all the words!
[Students stop and stare at him]
Male student: Yeah, it weirds me out, too.

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His definition vs. My definition

Chronically tardy student: I’m always in class on time.
Me: Showing up with 10 minutes left is not on time.
C.T.S.: Yes it is.
Me: I think your definition of “on time” and my definition of “on time” are very different.
C.T.S.: (thinks that’s the funniest thing he’s heard. ever. lol)

-2 + 2 = ?

I’m having my Pre-Algebra class watch one of my favorite movies, Stand and Deliver. In an early scene, Mr. Escalante asks, “Fill the hole. What is -2+2?”

No one can answer. He gets to Lou Diamond Philips character and one of my students starts cheering him on, “The answer is zero. Please don’t say 2! Don’t say 2!”

Hood Music

A student explains to me why, although Math is more boring than English, Math is a less boring class,

“‘Cuz you play hood music! [English teacher] plays that {sings in a falsetto soprano opera ditty} music which makes me {fakes a gigantic yawn}.”

Bully for you

Senior 1: Miss, I’m going to report you for bullying.
Me: Why?
Senior 1: Because you keep laughing at me.
Senior 2: You know, it is Bully Awareness Week…
Me: I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing because of the funny things you say.
Senior 1: Teachers shouldn’t laugh at students. It’s against their contract.
Me: I’m laughing, they’re laughing, you’re laughing…
Senior 1 (laughing): I’m not laughing!
Senior 2: You can get one of those orange bully sheets from the counselor’s office…
Senior 3: You know, no one will believe you.
Senior 1 (with a smirk): Why, ‘cuz I’m black?
Me: (rolled my eyes, put my head on my desk)
Seniors 2 and 3: (roaring with laughter)
Senior 1: Miss, rolling your eyes at me is bullying too….
Senior 3: Dude, you waited 4 years for THIS?!

On Fire!

(Student on her phone during lecture)

Me: [Student] please put your phone away.

(Student pretends to put it away, but is really still on it under the desk, I know this because the light from the phone is reflected on her glasses)

Me: [Student] I asked you to put your phone away already…

Student (innocently): I’m not on it!

Me: Really? So your crotch has a neon blue light??

Student (literally rolling on the floor laughing): I’m dead!! You on fire today!