Student: I found you on Facebook last night.
Me: (sigh) Oh, great.
Student: You really love your brother. You had a picture of him for his birthday.
Me: Stalker much?
Student: I’m not a stalker!
Student: You have a really cute dog.
Me: Such a stalker! (to another student) He’s a Facebook stalker, right?
Student 2: (nods)
Student: (a bit whiny) I’m not a stalker!
Me and class:
I’m not sure how, but my brief dating of a Jamaican 15 years ago turned into I’m married to Bob Marley.
That’s right. My middle schooler’s think I am married to a man who died when I was still a toddler.
Student: Imma stay after today.
Me: I have a staff meeting. You can stay in my room and I can work with you later…
Student: OK, I can do that (walking toward me, and then away from me)
Me: Where are you going?
Student: I’m afraid you’re going to punch me!
Student: For lying to you.
Student: Staying after school.
Me: So, you’re not staying after school today??
Student: I am today, but all the other days I don’t stay.
Me: (pause) Well, you know, when you don’t show up, I just sit at my desk and cry for a half hour.
Student: (sincerely) Don’t cry!
Student (to class): See! She’s laughing and she’s angry! Everyone watch out!
Love it when my students talk about my “pimp hand” in their essays
Student (on his way out of class): Say hi to your husband from me.
Me (confused): My husband?
Student (strolling back in, pointing to my GoT Hound action figure): Yeah, your husband!
Me (laughing): Oh yeah. My husband!
When you’re brainstorming for a cross curricular unit on insects? Realizing that you’ve accidentally spelled it “incest” on the whole sheet.
“You look like Halle Berry…”
“A really, really, really, really light skinned Halle Berry.”