The Crazy You’re About to Meet

I haven’t done this face since May, lucky summer school kiddos lol.

I keep telling them that they’ve never seen me mad and that they won’t like it when I’m truly angry 😉

Carded

{Students 1 and 3 and two others just finished serenading me with some 90’s pop ballad as I was sitting in my friend’s English class. It’s important to understand that I barely know Student 1 and have no idea who Student 2 and 3 are, having never met them before lol}

Student 1: This is {Student 2}. She doesn’t think she’s white.
Student 2: Yeah, I’m not white, I’m black.
Me: Cool, I’m not white either.
Student 1 (confused): Oh. Then what are you?
Me: I’m black, too.
Student 1: That’s cool, we accept you.
Student 2 (pretending to fish through her pocket) Here, I have a spare Black Card you can have (pretends to hand it to me).
Me (pretending to accept it and put it in my pocket): Thanks!
Student 2 (walks away)
Student 3 (looks at me like ‘wtf?!’): That don’t make no kinda sense…
Me: Yeah, I don’t know what’s happening (haha). I’m just going to laugh and roll with it!
Student 3 (understanding nod)

Growth

{in auditorium, listening to multicultural program on stage and raucous students on the left}

Me (to senior sitting next to me, gesturing left): That used to be you!
Senior (shaking his head): I know.
Me: I’m so proud of you!
Senior (smiling): Thanks. I know I’ve come a long way.
Me: Yes, yes you have!

❤️

Quote of the Day

Miss, you know math is a lot easier when I’m not high.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Me (tired): OK, let’s get on GradeChecker and see how your grades look…

Student (with extra enthusiasm): They look so beautiful!

Me (annoyed): What are you talking about?! I’m not wearing any make up, I feel like crap, and my hair’s a wreck! This is NOT beautiful!!

Student (wide-eyed): My grades, Miss. My grades are beautiful.

Me (deflated, but can’t help but laugh): Oh.

Seems like my raggedy ass needs to invest in some hearing aids lol.

Graduation Date

Me: Alright, so your first goal should be “I will graduate” and include the year.
Student 1: When do I graduate?
Me: 2018. I think I’m going to graduate in 2020.
Student 2: Wait, you haven’t graduated?
Me (with a smile): Nope, I’m graduating in 3 years.
Student 2: Wait, so you didn’t graduate from high school?!
Student 3: Dude, are you serious?
Student 2: So, I could like just get a GED–
Student 3: Man, are you kidding?
Student 2: I could just walk into a classroom and start teaching?
Me: Yes.
Student 3 (rolling his eyes): Man, you know she’s being sarcastic!
Student 2: That’s all the education I need?!
Student 3: OH MY GOD!
Me (to at least one set of deaf ears): Guys, I graduated in 1999.

Things Teachers Say

Gentlemen, it’s not considered self defense if you beat the other guy’s face into the ground.

Savage, but not heartless

(Backdrop: I said something snarky to my first hour math class, I can’t remember exactly what I said lol.)

Student 1: Wow, you’re savage, Miss.
Student 2: Yeah that was kinda mean.
Me: I never said I was nice.
Student 1: Yes, you did!
Me: Nope, never.
Student 2: You’re heartless!
Student 1: She ain’t heartless.
Student 3: Yeah, if she was heartless she wouldn’t be teaching here.
Me (laughing): If I was heartless, I wouldn’t be teaching at all!

Signs of Affection

Flashing gang signs above your teacher’s head in a picture you insisted you take with her and your buddies is a sign of affection, right??

When I called him out on it, he said (very contritely) “I didn’t mean to do that over your head!”

I think he missed the point 🙄 lol

Relevant Question

Me: … so when making financial decisions, it’s important to remember–
Student: I have a question.
Me: Is it appropriate?
Student: Yes.
Me: Does it have to do with the lesson?
Student: Yes!
Me: Ok, what’s your question?
Student: Do you know why, when you breathe out, your breath is invisible?
Me: 😒