‘Cuz You’re So White, Miss!

This morning I experienced a slight malfunction with my cup and ended up getting splattered by coffee covered whipped cream.

My darling students laughed with me except for one who was oh so helpful.

“Miss, you still got white stuff on your shirt.”

“Where?”

“On the back (pointing), there!”

“No I don’t,” I said after furiously looking. “There’s nothing there dude.”

“Oh,” he said without blinking an eye, “I must’ve gotten it confused with your skin.”

A Good B.M.

(Student shouted) “I really love Dr. Pepper! I only drink Dr. Pepper!” (and then immediately whispered) “I like it because it helps me have regular bowel movements.”

Today’s edition of “10 minutes I’ll never get back”

I spoke at length with one of my sophomores who shared with me that he was almost arrested yesterday. He said he was going to fight another young man for calling him “short.” He said he needed the other boy to know he wasn’t weak. I asked him (understand that he is 5 foot 1 inch of pure machismo) if he planned to fight everyone who called him “short.” He adamantly assured me that he would because no one can “talk shit” and get away with it. I asked him if he knew how much energy it would take to fight all these people, but he didn’t care. They need to know he’s not weak.

Speak Country

Student: Miss! I want to learn to speak Country.

Me: That is not a real language.

Student: I know, but I want to speak like the country.

Me (in utter disbelief): What on earth for?!

Student: I don’t know, I think it’d be fun.

Me: (I just stare for a moment)

Student: (does a horrible rendition of “Howdy ma’am” and “Ya’ll come back now, ya’hear?!”)

Me (shaking my head): I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if you really want to learn you could start watching Blue Collar Comedy or Larry the Cable Guy.

Student (excited): You’re the best, Miss.

Me (as an aside, he didn’t hear me): Yeah…. no, I’m really not.

Na Na Na Na Na…

The best thing about today? “Miss, you really sound like Batman.”

Group Chat

Student: Miss! We need to add you to our group chat so you can see what we talk about.

Me: Please don’t.

Student: Why not? I want you to see our conversations.

Me: There is no reason for me know what a group of 17 year old boys talk about.

Student: I’m 18 and he’s 16.

Me: You’re missing the point. I do not need to know what a bunch of teenage boys talk about in their free time.

(He still doesn’t get it, but his buddies are laughing their asses off)

Word of the Day

The Word of the Day is “Cinnamon” because Mrs. Crumpett repeatedly proved that she does not know how to pronounce “Synonym” correctly.