Lookin’ Good, Slugger

Student 1: That’s a good picture of you.
Student 2: Let me see… you look good!
Me: Really? I think I look bad.
Student 2: Well, you do look like you just got into a bar fight but came out on top.
Me: (laughing hysterically)

Down in Africa

Student: I want to go to South Africa to see where I’m from.
Me: Are you sure your ancestors are from there?
Student: Well, I’m African American…
Me: (slowly) Africa is a big place, hon.
Student: I’ve tried doing that clicking language.
Me: (raised eyebrows)
Student: (made up clicking language)
Me: You just made that up.
Student: Yeah, I tried it on a couple of people that I thought were from Africa, but no one responded.
Me: (surprised laugh) Dude, that’s kinda rude… AND you do know that there are MANY languages spoken in Africa, right?!
Student: (pondering face)
Me: Before you make an expensive trip, maybe you should start with a DNA test…
Student (“that’s a good idea” look on his face)
Me: When I got my DNA tested, I discovered I’m <1% North African–
Student (practically shouting): You’re Not Black!
Me (dripping with sarcasm): Wow. I had no idea. I’ve lived these 30 odd years of my life not knowing I wasn’t black, but now–now that I’ve met you–I’m so glad you came into my life to give me this revelation.

Is it a conversation if she all she did was shake her head?

You were absent, right?

Did you choose to miss school?

You weren’t ill or taking care of an sick person?

You chose to get dropped off at school, but then walk to your friend’s house and ‘hang out’ all day?

And you want to me to reteach the material you missed so that you can do your assignments without any late penalty?!

Sense of Humor a Must

Years ago I was desperate for a job. Finally one day, I got a job notice from a headhunter.

“We wanted to notify you immediately about a new job posting that may fit your interest and skill set.” I’m excited, ooh a teaching job! Yay! Then I read on: “[City, State]. Experienced Clown Wanted!”

Say what?! Haha…

No it doesn’t…

As I’m walking down the stairs, I came across two students in the hallway that I knew were supposed to be in class…

Me: Alright gentlemen, let’s move on to class…

Students: Why?!

Me: ‘Cuz you know you’re not supposed to be in the hallway!

{one student, wisely, returns to class, the other did not}

Student (taking a few steps up to be closer to me): But I’m not in the hallway, I’m here talking to you!

Me: But don’t you think you should be in YOUR class talking with YOUR teacher?

Student: You take all the fun out of everything!

Me (very sympathetically): I know, “taking the fun out of everything” is my middle name…

Student (nodding in agreement): But it’s not your first name.

Me: Oh yeah?

Student: Yeah, your first name is Mrs. Crumpett.

Me (laughing): That’s my last name, kiddo…

Student (as he’s walking away): Yeah, Mrs. Crumpett because your name has “fun” in it.

Neuralyzer

Quote of the Day

“Mrs. Crumpett, you can’t know what it means (referring to his earlier comment ‘once you go black, you don’t go back’)”

“I’m in my 30’s, I know what that means.”

“But you don’t know what a crib is, there’s no way you know that!”

Interesting choice

You missed 34 consecutive days of school, but you’re going to come today and just sit there and play on your phone?

Mustache you a question

Found this on Facebook recently. It reminds me of my first year as a para.

I was sitting next to a freshman, explaining something from English class. It seemed like he was listening intently and so at the end, when I asked “Do you have any questions?” I was expecting a “no.” Instead he said, “You have a mustache.”

/facepalm

Ask a stupid question…

Yes, the final will be worth 5 points.